In Mourning
by RuneWitchSakura
Summary: Oneshot. The news said Dean was dead. John doesn't take it well.


**Notes: **Spoilers for Skin and Home, but as we're just starting Season 9, is it really spoilers for Season 1 episodes? The first report on the news is a direct quote from Skin, and the call from Dean is a direct quote from Home. I was re-watching Season 1, and I got this idea. I can't remember if Dean called John between the two episodes, so for this story, he didn't.  
I'm also kind of disappointed in how this turned out, but hopefully, you'll like it. I figure this could be a little extra motivation for John making the Deal in In My Time of Dying.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Supernatural, or anything related to it.

* * *

_"...where a S.W.A.T. team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered in her home."_

John Winchester normally ignored the news on TV - it was easier to track down patterns in old newspapers or the internet - but then the suspect's picture came up. A face John would recognize even quicker than his own. It was Dean.

Well, obviously it wasn't Dean - maybe. He raised Dean to hunt evil, not attack innocent women. So, if the girl was really innocent, it was obviously some creature using his form. Or a demon possessing him. Or...and dozens of possibilities ran through John's head.

He shook his head to clear it. Dean was a big boy. He could take care of himself. Besides, he was getting close to the thing that killed Mary. He could feel it. He'd keep an eye on the news, just in case.

* * *

_"...name was Dean Winchester, the older brother of one of the victim's friends."_

John's head shot up from the book to the TV - now Sammy was on it too?

_"...shot while attacking his previous victim after a brutal attack on his brother."_

Sammy? No. No way. Dean would never harm Sammy. So it had to have been something else. Not Dean.

_"...pronounced dead-on-arrival at the city hospital."_

John's heart skipped a beat and then another, and then fell into his stomach. He felt nauseous so he swallowed.

Not Dean. Not Sam. No. Dear God, don't be Dean, don't be Sam. Be the girl. Please, be the girl; not one of his sons, please.

_"For those of you just joining us, a vicious spree killer ripped through St. Louis, and was stopped by the victim that got away. We'll take you now to a press conference that was held earlier today."_

_"...ean Winchester, responsible for several of murders and the attempted murders of Rebecca Warren, and his younger brother Samuel Winchester. Last night, he brutally attacked his brother at the home of Ms. Warren, before turning on her. She managed to get a gun, and shot Dean Winchester several times. As it's a clear case of self-defense, the DA has declined to press any charges."_

John stopped listening as his heart sank even further, and he hit his knees, letting out a sob.

Dean was dead.

His oldest son was dead. How could this have happened? Why the hell couldn't he have gone to check on the boys after the first news story? How could he let his obsession with the damned demon lead to the death of one of his sons?

Dean was dead. And it was his fault.

His fault.

Oh, God.

Not Dean.

* * *

He spent the next several weeks in a small town near Mary's grave. He'd go to her grave and open is mouth but he couldn't speak. How could he tell her their oldest was dead? How could he tell her it was his fault? How could he ask for forgiveness?

He didn't deserve forgiveness.

He had gotten their son killed. There was no forgiving that. Every day he'd spend staring at her grave, and every night he'd spend drinking in his motel room. He'd have to track down Sammy soon. He wouldn't let Sammy die too.

"**Call from, Dean.**"

Oh, he'd forgotten to turn his phone to silent. And then the words went through his mind. Dean. _Dean _was calling. John looked at the phone in horror as it rang. Dean was dead, so how was he calling?

Had he been brought back? Did that mean Sammy had made a deal with a demon - or something even worse? Or was Dean still possessed by whatever it was that made him kill innocent people? Or was he a vengeful spirit now - come to torture John for his death.

No, of course not. His Sammy was a genius - nowhere near stupid enough to make a deal, or to not salt and burn his brother's body. It was Sammy calling, using Dean's phone, it had to be. He probably thought John wouldn't pick up if he used his own - that he hadn't got the news.

The phone stopped ringing as John reached for it. His hand stopped in mid-air, and he noticed it was shaking badly. He let out another sob. He didn't know he had any tears left.

"**One new voicemail.**"

John grabbed the phone, took a shaky breath, and played the message. He wouldn't cry. He had to be strong for Sammy.

"_Dad?_"

It wasn't Sam.

"_I know I've left you messages before. I don't even know if you get 'em._" Dean cleared his throat. _Dean was able to clear his throat._

"_But I'm with Sam. And we're in Lawrence. And there's something in our old house. I don't know if it's the thing that killed Mom or not, but...I don't know what to do._" It sounded like Dean might be crying, but John thought it might be the sound of his own crying.

"_So, whatever you're doin', if you could get here. Please. I need your help, Dad. _ **End of Message.**" And John was sobbing again, for the thousandth time in several weeks, but this time he didn't care. He began packing.

The demon wasn't anywhere near Lawrence, but his son was alive - both of them were alive - and he needed to see that for himself. He was going home to his boys.

And he wasn't letting either of them die ever again.


End file.
